Janus

Almost all people I have met have two different faces. One is “the ordinary-social-game-face”, an effect of early training to meet the environment with an expression of natural affection and satisfaction. The other face, let us call it “the dark-and-turned-away-face”, is the expression of parts of the inside, the dwelling of pain and of hate, of envy and jealousy. I have had friends, who suddenly have turned tha dark face to me. During several such occasions I have frustrated and impatiently showed my dark face in return, which most of times have led to a final distance between us. One of the most complicated problems in such situations is that no one of us has had the guts to honestly admit that each one of us has at least two faces. I say “at least” as I probably have a couple of more faces: the confused and puzzled one, and also the crying, sad one.
Small children show all their faces, but the adults try to hide them, especially the dark one. But I have met them, over and over again. It hurts.

Life and death – and on it goes

My mother-in-law died last night. She was very old and I think that she met her death without too much anxiety. She went to her last and final sleep after a very long life. She has had a very good life and she did not show any bitterness about anything during her last years. She will now proceed into the normal circulation of what is going on in this planet of ours. She will become re-circulated molecules for the benefit of the surrounding soil. And so it will go for all of us. We live for a while and we will all die one day. We will not turn up again as any new human being. We have had our time – and then it is gone.
Yes, I am sad today. I miss her as the person she once was: a very skilled artist (drawer and painter) with a very sharp brain. I miss her social style with her very well developed integrity and her very high awareness of responsibility. She will never reappear as I will never reappear after my own decease. Gone is gone and that is forever.
I am sad – and I am also able to feel a kind of emotional relief. She had reached her life peak several years ago and she was now ready for the big sleep. As one day I will be ready for the same. And so will probably you. The only thing we can hope for, and try to do someting about, is to avoid any painful disease on our road to the final end. Enjoy your life while you are living it. And as we, all of us, are deeply dependent of those around us I think you´d better try your best to make it easier for those you love and care for.

Leadership

I have practised some different leadership positions throughout my life. The ones that I am satisfied with are: first of all my role as a family father (a leadership which of course is shared with my very gifted wife). I am more than content and lucky having two wonderful daughters. Secondly I would say that I am still enjoying my leadership within the fitness world (I have been an acting aerobic leader since 1991, nowadays for large groups of people ranging in age from around 55+ and upwards). Thirdly I would say that I am also quite pleased with my previous roles as a university lecturer, giving lectures to classes. And as number four are my previous and my present positions within the non-profit associations: acting as a chairman or a vice chairman of different Boards.
But trying to create and to maintain leadership of professional colleagues has always become a challenge that I have not always been able to master; it has many times become too difficult, sometimes ending in relation disasters. Partly it is probably due to my general critical senses, directed to my colleagues. My requirements of professional good appearance, very good professional attitudes, energy and loyalty are very high indeed and some of my colleagues have not liked to join me in these kinds of directions, thus challenging my patience, which is quite vulnerable.
Leadership is not always an easy piece of cake…

This is the first day…

…of my 71:st year of living. At this time in my life I am not looking forward as much and as often as I have done previously. I am looking aside, at this very moment, and I am trying to look back. Looking back is almost equally difficult as trying to look forward. What happened? How come, just as an example, that several of my professional relations to colleagues of mine after a few very good years came to become a downhill slope, ending in less constructive situations? Has this been an effect of my own destructive attitudes?
I will certainly not deny my part of what has happened, but I will not put the whole blame on me. I think the story has several layers. One of the layers is about the stress of making money, forcing people to look at each other as competitors and rivals in a market running competition. I have met, and I am still meeting several colleagues of mine, who definitely not want to tell me anything at all of how their business is going, what kind of methods or theoretical frameworks they use. They act like mussels and cockles alive alive oh ….and they don´t give away a single word that perhaps could force them into a situation becoming assessed and evaluated and perhaps critized by me. Which means that it is almost impossible to discuss matter of common professional interest with them.
One other layer is about the old, quite fascinating story of the younger ones, growing up, trying to get rid of “the father”. I guess that I am the one in my own country, Sweden, who has provided the important field of aviation psychology with most new behaviour scientists and psychologists (with the excemption of what is going on inside the military organization). But almost all of my previous “disciples” have sooner or later turned their backs to me, for one reason or another.
Because I am a totally hopeless person? Because I am not cooperative enough, or kind enough, or supporting enough? Because I have such a big Ego (I have heard someone mention that)?
No, I don´t think so. I think there are forces around leading into directions that I am not the main director of. People form dynamic movements out of several other factors and circumstances.
It is a risk that I sound as a bitter, old man. I know that. But I have to stress that I am definitely not filled by bitter emotions. I am on the whole very satisfied – with both my professional and my private life. And even though I think it is more difficult to look forward nowadays than before I have still several plans and several options for my future.
My wife woke me up with a glass of champagne this morning. Wonderful!
Yes, I can. I hope it goes for you too, Mr. Barack Obama!

Measuring mind

Modern science and math goes together. Within the fields of science, or more specified natural science, we have to use several measurement tools and calculations to reach and to find out what we are looking for. Math is an ingenious scientific language and most measurement tools that we use are excellent. And by very simple tools I can say exactly how tall you are and I can easily find out your present weight.
But how about all those processes that are going on in your mind?
How fast are you in your thinking?
How about your intellectual skills?
How about your creativity, your fear or even your level of anxiety?
How about your abilities for empathy and love? Your level of responsibility and solidarity with others?
What is going on in your brain? Who the hell are you?
And – what is measurable of all those processes?
Lots of people have tried to make constructions and designs of mind measurement tools, i.e. psychological test instruments. A few of such tests are quite good in the meaning that they seem to be capable to confirm a certain level of skills. A few. And they are quite good. Quite. But quite is not the same as exact during all circumstances and in all situations. The margin of error is there – in all psychological tests. And for most tests this margin of error is big.
And that is why it is of such an importance that investigations of the human mind have to be conducted by behaviour scientists and psychologists. Don´t be fooled by any single psychological test.

When is change possible?

Most people are quite “readymade” when they have reached an age of around 26-28. Being readymade means that most of attitudes, performing patterns, efficiency, such things are formed in ways that are almost final for the rest of the adult life. Almost. Almost is close to definitely. But there are some, few, options for change. But change does not occur just like that. It is not something mechanical within each person. Change takes place as effects of controversial meetings with other significant important people. By controversial meetings is meant meetings with special emotional areas. Examples of such areas are falling-in-love-with-someone, or taking-a-definitive-farewell-of someone-you-liked-a-lot, or being exposed to someone that you found brought you something completely new, for example in experiencing how the society is built or what kind of basic foundations there are to grasp certain scientific findings.
But most people I have met and I have had the opportunities to meet again after some thirty or forty years are supringsly almost exactly the same, except for the hair that has become grey and the wrinkles in their skin have become so many more. Most people do not change that much. Which is the basis for the art of making predictions of how they will turn up after some years.

A final solution of a desperate mind

The ongoing (and ongoing…and ongoing…never ending?) violent conflict in the Middle East is more dangerous than most of us like to imagine. Both sides in the conflict have since decades or even centuries back become affected, or infected, by corresponding trauma effects. Both sides are tempted to use violence as their primary tool for power enlargements and for their defenses. It is the old story – showing the muscles, finding out a suitable enemy to attack and on it goes. The very sad side of the story is that this kind of behaviour is suicidal. When the desperation has reached a certain level the human mind could create a yearning for a final solution: the kill of all, which means an extended suicide.
Israel can not win this war. The palestinians can not win this war. But both parts could very well try to seek the final solution: let us get to the final end of everything and of everyone.
You don´t believe me?
Well, in that case I hope that you are right and I am wrong. But, regrettably, I have my reasons to be in doubt and I have my reasons to feel a chill in my heart.

The dog whisperer

His name is Cesar Millan and he has become world famous for his treatment of dogs – and his training of dog owners. He is called “the dog whisperer” because it seems that he is able to talk to the dogs. But this is not completely correct. He is not talking to them in the sense that he has any magical powers to correct the dogs by words only. And he is not any mystical dog mind reader. It is simpler than that: he uses his wide experiences to understand the dogs’ behaviours and he has found some fundamental keys to approach the dogs, all sorts of dogs, in order to make them accept him and, most of all, to obey him. His basics sound like this: a good dog and a nice dog is submissive to its owner. A submissive dog will turn out to become a relaxed and kind dog. And to get the dog to become submissive the owner has to stand firm in his or her own attitude: I am the leader and you have to trust me with all your senses even if I now and then will treat you in a way you do not like. A good dog has to experience that he/she is just a member of the pack (group) and that he/she has nothing to do with any leadership duties.
Cesar Millan says: do not treat your dog as if it is a human member of your family. A dog is a dog, not a human. He furthermore says: there are always three steps to follow if you own and/or are taking care of a dog:
1. A dog must have a lot of physical exercise in the meaning of using all, or most of, its internal energy. A dog seeks always after something or someone to spend his/her energy on. Too much energy left after a day or two will lead to more or less disturbed behaviour.
2. A dog must learn and sense some basics in discipline (it is not a leader of the pack).
3. When 1 and 2 are created and set it is time to lean back and show your dog all your affection that you want to show to him/her.
I am “the human whisperer”. What do you think my advice will be to families in which there appear single individuals who are too easily overexcited, or too stressed, or too much struck by anxiety, or too destructive or too…whatever…
What would your advice to such families be?

It is dark in Middle East

Who is to blame? Who is guilty to what? Who started the fire? Who has the abilities to make the parts to cease fire?
During war it is easy to forget the value of life – for each, single individual. There are too many victims.
And when the question marks and the victims become too many we are hurrying towards closing time: we close our eyes and turn inwards, looking for a nearby entertainment that hopefully could act as arms of comfort.
It has always been like this: during World War II there were high rise productions among theatre plays, movie makers, bars, clubs and other entertainment places.
But it is very dark clouds above Middle East, especially Gaza. It is a very dangerous situation. Several war lords around are just waiting for the best time to step in. And this will of course not become any benefits for the global financial situation. I am worried of what is coming…

2009 – a year for even more struggle – and enjoyments

I am not particularly optmistic about the future. No, I am not saying this referring to myself as a person; I am thinking of the welfare of the mankind in general. What I am afraid of are the egoistic struggles that are spread among people all over the world. The main and primary message is: you´d better take care of yourself because it is just up to you now. I have, sorry to say, met not so very few who have sent me the chills when I have experienced how they think and how they behave. Among those peoples are also some former colleagues of mine whom I cannot trust any more. This is for sure on the negative side.
On the positive side is my wife’s and my decision to make 2009 to a year for enjoyments. We have a lot of events to celebrate and several very good friends who share our basic values. Two special people are there for our special concern: our grandson Herman, by now 13 months of age, and our granddaughter Freija, five months old. They are two of our present jewels of life, to a certain extent compensating for my not so very optimistic general outlook on life.